How to Help Your Kids Get Organized Without Nagging
Children are often quoted as sweet, calm and innocent, but do you feel the same when it comes to your children? Probably this question would put your mind in a conundrum because obviously, you love your children but sometimes feel irritated too when they constantly nag.
First, they demand and if we refuse to fulfill that, their demand changes to request. Ultimately you have to give up to their sweet requests or stubborn demands despite your will. We really wish that our children should obey us and think of various hacks to achieve the same.
But, have you ever thought of as to why does your child not listen to you in a toy store or candy store? What goes into his mind for saying an extra please? Does he know that his stubbornness will yield a positive result?
To find answers to all such questions, we must understand child psychology first. A child is different from an adult, especially when it comes to expressing. A lot of things go into his mind as his day proceeds.
We probably are not able to understand this complexity and often complain:” Why do children whine?” His behavior is driven by his internal unexpressed thought processes.
We have noticed stereotypical demands like a remote-controlled car, video games, etc. from boys. Barbie dolls, teddy bears, fairy dresses, etc. from girls. Are these demands arising out of their brain or peer pressure or any other external factor like television, comics, storybooks, etc.?
Children generally become aggressive in case their request is denied. They start comparing themselves with their friends. Consequentially, parents fell prey to the emotional trap created by children.
It’s a common observation that if a child’s request is refused, he again tries with complete dedication, be it through cute moves or aggressive strategy. He or She will do endless efforts to seek his or her parents’ approval.
Have you ever wondered what pattern is created in a child’s mind after you change your decision due to his actions? Children are very sharp and can gauge your vulnerability and hence, they know how to crack the deal in the future. This can be seen as a learned behavior.
A child demands constant attention. To understand child behavior, it is imperative for parents to spend time with their child. Difficult child temperament, contextual situation, future consequences, etc. decide the next course of action.
There are various ways in which we can deal with difficult child psychology. Broadly, Time-in and Time-out are the two different approaches that we may follow.
Time-In Technique: This technique involves negotiation with the child to handle demanding behavior. In this case, it is extremely important to empathize with the child so that both of us feel a good connect. For example, the child whines for a video game but probably you don’t have money to meet his need or you think that it would compromise his studies.
The first step is a direct ‘No’. If he becomes stubborn, pacify him by saying that you will give him after he scores A1 grade in his exams. Now suppose you have purchased it, settle the timings for playing the game by putting a limit on it.
Don’t forget to appreciate the child (Good Girl/Boy) for accepting your suggestion, this will create a positive reinforcement as pre the reinforcement theory proposed by B.F. Skinner. Ultimately, it will create a win-win situation for both parents as well as the child. Hence, the child will not only accept your decision but respect it too.
Time-Out Technique: This technique is completely opposite to Time-in technique. This is a strict approach to discipline a child. If you have said ‘No’, it is not to be questioned again and therefore, it is also called as “Asked and Answered” method.
This approach would not work with words but also certain disciplinary body language. Repetitive Phrases like no, no discussion anymore, no more same things, etc. can be used to convey your decision to the child.
It is completely a parents’ choice which discipline method they want to adopt for their child but usually, the time-in method is preferred as it will create a healthy and friendly environment in the family.